Plane Thoughts Episode 6

MONTREAL TO EDMONTON

(I didn't do Ottawa to Montreal, hence the location gap)

8:07. Between flights: I got distracted by a suitcase falling out of the plane right onto the ground and then got yelled at by a ramp agent for stepping off the line.

8:32. I like planes with the wings above the cabin best. Wings below are ideal for photos, but they're not trustworthy. I want to see your  landing gear go up. What are wings-below planes hiding down there? I want to see. However, wings-below looks more correct from outside the plane.

8:36. Blinded myself with the reflection of the sun on my phone. The perils of being above the cloud layer.

8:38. It's absolutely not socially acceptable to remove ones shoes and socks on a plane, but I'm doing it anyway. What's going to happen? No one sees anyway. And I'm way too warm on this plane with my mask on. My insulated rainboots and wool socks were appropriate for Iqaluit, but not at all for airplane rides in southern Canada.

8:40. Every flight attendant on this plane has chosen a different form of PPE. One has only a mask, one has a mask and a splash guard thing, and one has a mask, safety goggles, and some sort of thin lab coat. Maybe lab coat guy was a pilot though? He only came out briefly.

8:42. Why did this trip backtrack so much? Montreal is way further from Edmonton than Ottawa. But I saved money on this trip by taking this route, so all is well. Would be an amusing turn of events if we had to make an emergency landing in Ottawa.

8:44. Moving my backpack out from under the seat in front of me has revealed a frayed section of typical plane carpet with a long string pulling out from it. I forgot my water bottle in Ottawa, but air Canada gave me a little one along with a mask, gloves, and sanitizing wipes. All is well. I was just thinking earlier about what kind of water bottle I should buy if this one breaks (after I dropped it hard on the floor on my way out of the airport last night). Now I'll have to make that decision earlier. Do I go for more sustainable metal? Or plastic that I'll always feel a little guilty about but actually use? Metal water bottles feel wrong in the mouth, and none of them have convenient lids. I really don't need any more reasons to avoid drinking. But all that plastic... Plastic bottles are also better for knowing how much water you have left as well. I could get a glass one, but I do drop my water bottles rather frequently, and I fear that a glass bottle would make that much more stressful. I know if I have to unscrew a lid every time I want to drink, I will purposely avoid drinking just for the inconvenience. The ideal water bottle for me would probably be a metal one with one thin glass or plastic strip running all the way down to see the remaining volume, and a convenient lid that can be locked but doesn't need to be unscrewed to drink from.

8:53. That was a very long comment. We have passed Ottawa, so an emergency landing would now be far less comical. However, I would love to be in a plane that made an emergency landing, as long as everyone was alright. That would make a good story. I should probably start a list of good stories to tell to build rapport, just for the sake of having a list. But in conversation I never seem to have trouble thinking of them. Better, a list of stories for if I have kids someday and they ask for a story about my earlier life.

8:56. None of the Northern territories have the privilege of having their communities named on the flight map. Corpus Christi, whatever that is, is labelled though. 

8:58. I am so warm. My ring is fully stuck on my finger because for the first time in months my hands have proper blood supply. Not accurate, but close. Even my toes, outside of my socks and significantly cooler now, are swollen from the heat. I'm not going to try to take off the ring, because then what am I going to do with it? Probably put it right back on. There's no chance of it getting lost now. Unless the finger goes with it.

9:01. Mask off for a very slow sip of airplane water. Have to enjoy every second of free breathing time. This water bottle has a ppm analysis printed on the lable. Total dissolved solids are within appropriate pool levels, but chlorine is low (probably for the best since I'm consuming it), and calcium hardness is really low (good thing I don't have any metal piping inside of me to be corroded by it, so that should be fine). I'm not sure why having the ppm analysis printed on the side makes me feel so reassured. I don't know what half of the elements listed even do. But seeing the fluoride listed reminds me why I like to drink straight river water instead. 

9:08. This water bottle is square, or at least almost square. A strange rounded square. I'm not sure why. Better to grip? Less chance of it dropping and getting contaminated by other surfaces?

9:10. My flight map says I'm arriving at 4:30pm. I'm not sure what time it thinks it is right now, since we're supposed to arrive at 10:40am. I've strategically placed my water bottle out of the direct sunlight to avoid being flashed in the eyes. I'm prepared to grab it fast if the plane turns suddenly.

9:14. I've just realised that the French and English screens on the flight map read different arrival times. English, in 12 hour time, reads 3:14pm now, and French, in 24 hour time reads 16:30.

9:16. Some place called Ajax is on this map. Not Iqaluit. For choosing such a ridiculous name they should be removed. An ancient soldier makes no sense as a place name- Iqaluit makes plenty of sense. At least it describes what you're walking into. Iqaluit: place of many fish. Gives an indication that there will be some body of water, probably a river, and definitely some sort of fish population. Ajax means nothing to me. I have no idea what to expect from that town. Maybe it means something I don't know about.

9:20. I keep tucking my ears under my hat, which is slightly too short on my head to keep them contained when I move my mouth. 

9:22. Boston is on this map. It is not where I thought it was.

9:24. Why do window seats never have outlets? Only USB ports. 

9:44. I still don't understand why plane bathrooms have cigarette disposal places. And the garbage cans in them are simply the worst. It disturbs me to think that, just after washing my hands, I had to touch the lid of the can. Perhaps I should have used my complementary gloves. Instead I needed to resanitize.

9:48. My hands feel incredibly soft and moisturized after spending eight months in a very dry location. Even while I'm sanitizing them all day long they don't feel dry.

9:51. Is there a difference in charging speed between charging by outlet and USB? USB feels rather slow today. I have gone up one percent in half an hour. I'm going to switch to the outlet on the seat next to me. Covid means that no one is allowed in the middle seat, which is really very nice for space and charging options. 

9:58. The guy beside me looks just like someone I used to go to school with. I told him that, and he said "I get that all the time." Did this man get more doppelgangers than the average human? Or are there just tons of people with a similar face?

10:00. Apparently Ontario or maybe Quebec has a Cochrane too. Had a moment of uncertainty (do I not actually know where Cochrane is?), but no. I'm confident Alberta has a Cochrane, because I know I've seen a shirt or something that said "I survived Cochrane AB".

10:07. Pilots are kind of cool. They just start on the ground, then go fast and wind up in the sky. Then stay up there until the right time and come back down. Flight is confusing and I don't really like to think about it too much. I just observe and am amazed. 

10:08. Wish I had thought ahead at Mike and Bonnie's and cut up some maktaaq to have as a snack now. 

10:12. I pulled out my maktaaq and found a small piece to tear off. And then I wrapped it in another plastic bag because it leaked a bit of whale oil out into my bag. Somehow it doesn't matter that I had it double bagged already. It was a very nice little piece. Now I have whale oil on my fingers. Time to sanitize.

10:14. I am very much looking forward to sharing my maktaaq with my family. And I have enough to take with me to camp to share there as well. Everyone who wishes to can have a taste of the Arctic. I should tell Eziah he can have some if he's in LLB this summer- he said it was on his bucket list. 

10:22. Why is Hamilton labelled in the middle of the ocean on this map? What's with airplane maps always being so inaccurate?

10:23. Coral harbour made a brief appearance. That's still Quebec, but I'll take it as one for the Northern territories. Nunavik belongs to the territories in all but name.

10:25. Arviat! We're far enough north to show northern names.

10:30. I've just had the sudden desire to be on the wing of the aircraft hanging off. Unfortunately there are no handholds where I would wish to hold. My only obstacle. 

10:34. This plane's wing tips are green. It's a nice touch. 

10:38. I would like to have some normal socks to replace my woolen ones, but I wrapped all of them around my guitar's neck for some extra security. Also I have a jar of maple syrup in the guitar case, and one pair of socks is helping to secure and pad it. 

10:41. No one in the middle seat means that I can cross my legs without being squished between the armrests. It's delightful. 

11:25. I don't understand why plane airplanes have that little 'return to seat' light in the bathroom that illuminates when the seatbelt sign in on. Do people just hang out in the bathroom if it's not on? And if it is on, won't people take just as long with using it before returning to their seats? If I am in the bathroom when that light comes on, I do a risk-benefit analysis. Is it so turbulent that I may fall into someone while attempting to walk to my seat? If the answer is yes, I stay in the bathroom and take my chances on being without a seatbelt. 

11:30. There is one very ugly brown cloud out my window, amid a sea of lovely white ones. What is in it?

11:41. Thinking about the fact that I saw a vegan recipe to make bacon out of banana peals. Hope whoever wrote that is having a good time with their smoke flavoured bitter banana strips. I waited until 11:41 to write this because I don't like how lots of 10s and 5s look all in a row on my rants. 

11:59. Strongly dislike the term "global pandemic". Who decided we were going to say that? All pandemics are global; that's literally part of the definition. Waste of words. Then again, my plane rants could also be seen as a waste of words. 

12:21. Does flying through their first cloud scare new pilots? I know what I'm asking my dad when I'm on the ground.