Plane Thoughts Episode 1

1:46. I feel like adults don't appreciate airplanes enough. What do you MEAN you aren't impressed by this? You really going to sleep through takeoff? Give me your window seat. You don't deserve it. It's sunny and bright today, and the clouds above the tundra blend with the snow nearly perfectly. It's hard to tell where the clouds end and the ground begins. This plane took off right on time, with flight attendants scrambling to complete boarding and get off the ground. We are racing a storm headed toward Ottawa that could keep this plane from landing if we're too late, but they would have to divert to somewhere nearby- maybe Toronto or Montreal. If we are diverted, I'm hoping for Toronto so that I can catch my connecting flight. Not sure what I'll do if we go to Montreal. As it stands, I have a 2 hour 10 minute layover in Ottawa, where I'll probably buy some food for the flight, then a 45 minute layover in Toronto before flying to Edmonton. If all goes according to plan, I'll be landing in Edmonton at 11:15pm.

2:00. Wasn't paying attention and missed the handing out of tray wipes. I will eat off an unwiped tray. Odd how I've never thought about airplane trays until now. And now I feel strangely uneasy about having an unwiped tray. Not uneasy enough to ask a flight attendant for a wipe. 

2:11. Who buys alcohol on planes? The lady next to me did today. Surely there are more enjoyable places to partake in overpriced wine than in a pressurized tube over the Arctic Ocean. On the same note, who does yoga on planes? The lady ahead of me is currently doing some. She's in priority seating with lots of leg room, and she's currently using that leg room to sit on the floor and do her asanas. French people. What in the world. She is also speaking very loudly in French to the man beside her. She keeps startling me by yelling things that I don't understand, and I'm even wearing my Blu-toque with music on. It's excessive. 

2:26. Flight attendants on this airline are a little odd. They don't let you use your phone during takeoff or landing (even on airplane mode), and I know that's not a policy that the flight attendants made. But they are just a bit rude about stuff. You'd think an airline charging $400 for a one way ticket would be fantastic in every way. But no. Their food is good though. I ate pasta with Alfredo sauce and Caesar salad today.

3.00. The French woman strikes again. This time in English, but I still don't understand: "bang bang bang, punch punch and he starts hitting the pregnant woman!"

3:03. And again. Man beside her: *says a book title*

Woman: "oh yeah that's a good one! I haven't read it, but I like the title!"

What.

3:05. I just accidentally handed my reusable cup in. I hope they give me a new one if I want more orange juice. Perhaps the best thing about this airline (or rather this route) is that they always give passengers cookies. It's become so traditional, I think passengers would probably riot if they tried to stop. Same with giving a meal every flight (even if it's not a mealtime flight- like this one).

3:11. Airport food is expensive, and I was just sitting here thinking about what I'm going to buy for a reasonable price at the Ottawa airport (assuming there are stores available), and then I remembered that I live in Iqaluit. I'm used to stores selling $6 cappuccinos and $16 wraps. I can buy any airport food and not notice the difference.

3:15. An hour and a half has passed quickly. That is one definite benefit of food on planes- eat slowly and it can occupy a lot of time. With all of my packing (that I did entirely this morning), I didn't remember to bring anything to do on the plane, and since Canadian North doesn't provide wifi, movies, or anything else interesting, I'm writing this play by play of my thoughts.

3:19. The cookies have arrived! Surprise for today: we also get coffee of some sort with whipped cream. Another pleasant thought for today: this cookie is fantastic. Not only does Canadian North provide cookies, they also warm them up to melt the chocolate. Today abounds in pleasant thoughts. 

3:26. Everything about flight attendants makes me uncomfortable. From needing to talk over a row of people, to awkwardly trying to block out the noise of everything else, to trying to decide what to ask for- there's a reason that I always order orange juice with ice. Asking for ice additionally is stressful enough that I've considered cutting it from my order, and I consider it 'meant to be' if the flight attendant doesn't add it. 

3:33. The seatbelt sign is now back on. In quick succession, these events occurred: 1) we hit a bit of turbulence, 2) the seatbelt sign turned on, 3) yoga lady (disappointed) had to sit down in her seat, 4) the kid behind me dumped a cup of coffee on himself and immediately started bawling. A few minutes later, what I assume to be the mother of the child, "Sto-op."

4:05. I found a recipe for seal meat in the airplane magazine. I took a picture of it. We are currently passing some sort of civilization. We must be over Ontario. As far as I know, I'm still on track to land in Ottawa at 4:50. When I got to the gate at the Iqaluit airport, they didn't want to accept my electronic boarding pass, saying that "that works in other places, but Iqaluit is different." No sir. Canadian North is different. Don't blame your weird policies on Iqaluit, strange as it can be. You are part of the weird. They let me on the plane anyway. 

4:09. This plane is a half cargo, half passenger plane that holds 78 passengers. I've thought a few times that this would be the ideal plane to prevent hijackings- no one is going to fight their way through half a plane of stored cargo to get control of a plane. But that's not the reason, because no one would ever hijack a plane headed to Iqaluit. What are you going to hit? 

4:11. I'm pretty sure flying develops my pessimistic thoughts and helps to keep them near the surface. All this time to focus on the strangeness of the world. But I don't really consider myself to be a pessimist, more like a realist with negative leanings. 

4:18. Instead of a cradle like a regular phone, this plane's call system phone has a loop on top and a hook to connect to. I don't like it, because I don't like the thought of someone holding the phone with the loop sticking up above their head. Would be less problematic if the hook was on the bottom, if there must be a hook.

4:27. The man in front of me just sat down violently enough to hit my knees with his seat (not that my knees are far from the seat, but still impressive).

Finally, as the plane descends, I leave you with this unpleasant thought: if you look at any object, you know what it would feel like to lick it.

- Aliya