Obligatory New Year Post (got deeper than I planned)
It's December 31. The year is 2019. I really screwed up my 2020 graduation, and it's probably too late to have a 2020 marriage, so what am I supposed to do now? I also won't be producing any 2020 babies. Perhaps this is my year to release a pop single and become a one hit wonder.
2019 was an odd year for me. It felt like a decade. When 2018 ended, I couldn't have predicted where I would be now, and, looking back, 2018 feels like a lifetime ago. I was a child. Even spring 2019 feels like years ago. I graduated this year- I am looking back at high school and feeling like a 25 year old woman. No I don't miss high school! I've got my whole life here, like before I was just dipping my toes in and now I've dived into real, meaningful existence. I'm an adult, in everything but years.
In July 2019 I had a plan, but I wasn't certain. Everything that I told people I wanted to do felt like a half-truth. "I might become a lawyer" felt false because, although it was true that I might, I didn't really know where I wanted to be. "I don't know what I want to do" felt untrue because, although I didn't have a step-by-step plan, I was confident and sure of what I was doing then. I thought a lot about what I wanted to do later as if what I was doing then wasn't enough. Like that moment wasn't as good as the next was going to be, when in reality it was the best I had experienced until that point. This year I've come to the realization that what is ahead of me is important, and I should be prepared, but really nothing can prepare me, so I should focus on right now and how good it is.
I don't know what 2020 has in store. I don't have a ten year plan or even a five year plan. I'm not working toward any particular goals (my only goal is a hippies settlement- see last post) and I am not making a resolution aside from my continuous resolution to be more godly, and it's okay. I'm here, I'm happy, I'm feeling successful. What more could I reach for? A better career? Like what? I'm thriving in this position. More money? Why? I have all that I could need.
The one thing that forever tugs at my mind is the idea that I should be doing a job that helps people and uses my intellectual abilities, and it is a valid thought. But cities with good recreation programs have lower crime rates. Kids have somewhere to go when they aren't safe at home other than running around town. I have a unique opportunity to talk to children and learn who they are- listening to kids makes an impact on them and in turn on the community. Is God calling me to be a lifeguard? I haven't heard a distinct voice that says that this is my place, but I haven't heard one saying that is isn't, and I am at peace. I know that I am called to be a witness to the people around me, to love those around be, and to bring glory to God through all that I do.
My only goal for 2020 is to get closer to Micah 6:8. What comes will come, and I'll be wherever I am, acting justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with my God.
"And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
- Micah 6:8b -
2020 is upon us! And I am ready.
- Aliya
2019 was an odd year for me. It felt like a decade. When 2018 ended, I couldn't have predicted where I would be now, and, looking back, 2018 feels like a lifetime ago. I was a child. Even spring 2019 feels like years ago. I graduated this year- I am looking back at high school and feeling like a 25 year old woman. No I don't miss high school! I've got my whole life here, like before I was just dipping my toes in and now I've dived into real, meaningful existence. I'm an adult, in everything but years.
In July 2019 I had a plan, but I wasn't certain. Everything that I told people I wanted to do felt like a half-truth. "I might become a lawyer" felt false because, although it was true that I might, I didn't really know where I wanted to be. "I don't know what I want to do" felt untrue because, although I didn't have a step-by-step plan, I was confident and sure of what I was doing then. I thought a lot about what I wanted to do later as if what I was doing then wasn't enough. Like that moment wasn't as good as the next was going to be, when in reality it was the best I had experienced until that point. This year I've come to the realization that what is ahead of me is important, and I should be prepared, but really nothing can prepare me, so I should focus on right now and how good it is.
I don't know what 2020 has in store. I don't have a ten year plan or even a five year plan. I'm not working toward any particular goals (my only goal is a hippies settlement- see last post) and I am not making a resolution aside from my continuous resolution to be more godly, and it's okay. I'm here, I'm happy, I'm feeling successful. What more could I reach for? A better career? Like what? I'm thriving in this position. More money? Why? I have all that I could need.
The one thing that forever tugs at my mind is the idea that I should be doing a job that helps people and uses my intellectual abilities, and it is a valid thought. But cities with good recreation programs have lower crime rates. Kids have somewhere to go when they aren't safe at home other than running around town. I have a unique opportunity to talk to children and learn who they are- listening to kids makes an impact on them and in turn on the community. Is God calling me to be a lifeguard? I haven't heard a distinct voice that says that this is my place, but I haven't heard one saying that is isn't, and I am at peace. I know that I am called to be a witness to the people around me, to love those around be, and to bring glory to God through all that I do.
My only goal for 2020 is to get closer to Micah 6:8. What comes will come, and I'll be wherever I am, acting justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with my God.
"And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
- Micah 6:8b -
2020 is upon us! And I am ready.
- Aliya
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